After Drug Test Demands Flop, Trump Asks to Check Biden’s Ears for Debate ‘Device’

Tonight will be an historic night for America, with a vast majority of the nation just hoping that we don’t embarrass ourselves too badly.

That’s because tonight’s main feature is the first debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden in their campaigns for the 2020 presidential election.  Moderator Chris Wallace, a Fox News anchor who doesn’t seem to care for either candidate, has stated his intention to be largely “invisible” during the event, leaving Trump and Biden to duke it out on their own.

Trump’s bombast and Biden’s gibberish could make for some interesting television, certainly, but there is real fear that the whole thing could devolve into a nonsensical shouting match full of absurd hyperbole and mismatched arguments.

Furthermore, President Trump has been insinuating that Biden intends to take some illicit help, either in the form of a performance enhancing drug or a secret earpiece.

Fox News has learned that the president’s re-election campaign wants the Biden campaign to allow a third party to inspect the ears of each debater for electronic devices or transmitters. The president has consented to this kind of inspection, but Biden has not, so far, sources said.

Over the last several weeks, the former vice president’s campaign has also requested two breaks — one every 30 minutes — to break up the 90-minute commercial-free program. But that request has been denied by their Trump counterparts, Fox News is told.

A Trump campaign source told Fox News that “our guy doesn’t need breaks. He gives 90-minute speeches all the time.”

The event begins at 7pm eastern on CNN Tuesday evening, and promises to be a spectacle…of some sort.