Wacky New Workplace Rule Could Outlaw Handshakes

People really don’t know how to handle each other anymore, and it’s a shame.

Thanks to the ever-reaching “woke-ness” of the world around us, it seems at times that everything can somehow be construed as offensive.  Every old slang term, every vintage t-shirt, every little piece of our culture seems to have a deep, dark origin story these days.

Heck, at one point, there was serious talk about removing or replacing the Star Spangled Banner due to the writer’s ties to slavery.

When it comes to physically offending someone, on the other hand, the rules are pretty clear:  Hugs don’t come first, and the handshake is always the safe bet.  (You hear that, Joe Biden?)

Now, on HR firm says that even the sacred handshake could be on the chopping block.

Kate Palmer, an associate director of advisory at HR consultancy Peninsula, said employers may ban all forms of physical contact to avoid confusion about what kind of touch is appropriate.

Ms Palmer added the #MeToo movement has forced employers to think about implementing more “black and white” policies.

She told the Metro: “Some employers may put a complete ban on physical contact.

“Whether that’s going too far or not is a question I would pose, because it’s contextual. Does shaking someone’s hand go too far?

“They may just say ‘no contact at all’ because there’s no grey area.”

And not to sound like the old man waving his fist in the air angrily, but there can be no denying that the internet itself has had a role to play in this everything-is-offensive world.

So often, the things that make us the most upset or the most happy, (whatever makes us feel the most), are coming from screens in front of our faces.  When we become conditioned to this one-way-street of emotion, it can be difficult to step back out into the world where the feedback we receive may not always be what we want.

Your brain, conditioned to Netflix and Facebook, react defensively to other humans because for the last 2 hours all you did was study static, scrolling nonsense on your phone.  Now, with a far more complex situation in front of you with live human beings, your reactionary neurons need to start firing again, and when you recognize this you throw up some “I’m offended” defense to buy yourself some time.

It’s not that everything is offensive, it’s just that we’ve forgotten what it’s like to be interactive with one another in realtime, and not in a newsfeed.